I think it's time that we sat down and had a little talk, mano a mano. You know.

There comes a time in every man's life when he must stop (or at least take a break from) stroking the massive pile of earrings he bought at the store the other day and consider important things, and one of those many important things is his future. Life is lubricious, and our moments on this earth are fleeting, so it is imperative that one ponders the many paths he may take. We'd all like to sit in our rooms and watch seasons (yes, that is plural) of 30 Rock for a living, but unfortunately that's just not going to pan out for most people.

So, son, being a college student I have been seriously excogitating my future during my break in between fangirling the Oxford English Dictionary (which I just discovered can in fact be accessed off campus). And I have come to several conclusions.

One is that my grandfather's futile dream to have one of his relatives go into law is not going to be fulfilled through me. My grandfather spent his professional life doing tax law -- God knows how he got through so many years of that -- and it is his sole wish in life that one of his five children would either follow in his footsteps or produce some kind of spawn that would. However, my two younger siblings and I are the only individuals among seven cousins that have not yet chosen careers. My sister wants to be sciencey or artsy and I think that right now my brother wants to play Call of Duty for a living, so that's rather unfortunate for him. I have also decided that next time dear old Pop bothers me about what I want to do with my life, I'm going to tell him that I want to be a poet just to scare him into submission.

Another of my conclusions is that I have two kinds of aspirations in life -- serious and completely ridiculous. My serious career plans all seem to have to do with discussing literature or writing and getting paid for it, ranging from high school English teacher or a professor or a TV writer or a publishing person or editor. I've also recently decided that it would be absolutely beautiful to be a used book store owner -- it's all the awesome of being a librarian without being required to know anything about cataloguing systems. Everyone loves a disorganized used book store.

As much as I'd like to leave it as a nice pithy aphorism, the comment about being a poet is not entirely unfounded, either. The job market for academics is apparently a dog eat dog world, and therefore it's quite useful to be high up in one's field. It does not seem unlikely for me to go on to get my MFA in poetry and then teach that at some college. So being a poet could actually be a legitimate career choice, and yet it is so, so fun to see the look of terror on people's faces when I declare my intention to write poetry to feed myself. "Does she actually think she can make money off of that? Someone needs to hit this girl in the head with a speeding speedboat with wings made out of a huge reality check, quick!"

Furthermore, if the OED ever offered me a job I would be literally incapable of saying no. "Oh, hello, it's nice to meet you. My name is Clare. What do I do for a living? Oh, I'm just a lexicographer." That sounds even better than the time I wanted to become a cosmologist just so I could be an expert in complex sciency stuff and still have lots of people thinking that I did hair for a living.

Annd that last sentence is all you're going to get in the way of a segue into the next topic, which is RIDICULOUS AMBITIONS. I have a habit of declaring my intention to follow a career path which a) I am really not good at or wildly underqualified for or b) I would find myself outrageously unhappy in, and all for completely arbritrary reasons. Cosmologist looked pretty attractive not only because of the obvious benefit above, but also because it kind of seems like no one could actually tell you that you were wrong because no one really knows for sure.

One of my favorite strange career paths is still a truck driver, which was what I claimed my fallback job would be if I were unable to get into a college (come on, everyone has that nightmare several billion times when applying to college). The main reason for this was that I found out they have little beds in the back of the cab so they can sleep while they're a-travellin. How cool is that?

More recently, I considered becoming a demolitions expert. I mean, who WOULDN'T want to blow shit up and get money for it. However, I realized that this probably takes many years of training and learning about things like engineering and physics and things that I do not like as much as the idea of blowing shit up. So that's a no.

Today, while I was watching 3o Rock I noticed that Tracy Jordan got subpoenaed, and that there was a guy who seemed to be getting paid to track him down and serve the subpoena. Now THAT's a job. I have since been informed that this profession is the basis of the plot of the Pineapple Express, but still. All I have to do is avoid buying pot from sketchy Asians and I'm golden? Furthermore, the verb "to subpoena" reminds me of the verb "to pwn," and we can all see the wide ranging, longlasting benefits of that comparison.

...

SMOOTH ENDING.

SEGUE.

So YouTube and other endeavors has brought this thing called FORMSPRING to my attention, and damn it's intriguing! People ask you questions and you can answer them! The problem is that none of my IRL friends are remotely interested in the internet and I doubt that anyone wants to ask me questions. I made one anyone and if you want to ask me anything I will be excited. So yeah?

FORMSPRING

See you cats later. I gotta go have interesting whirlwind global adventures and skydive and drive invisible planes and stuff.

I am a loser.

Exhibit A: I bought Smurf buttons in the Target dollar section today because one of the buttons says "Who's your papa?" and then has a picture of Papa Smurf next to it. I'm also particularly excited about the one featuring Smurfette next to the words, "I'm so pretty," even though Smurfette is a huge skank.

Exhibit B: I got in an argument with a friend this evening in which we tried to see who could best pwn the other with Star Trek references.

Exhibit C: I've just spent the last two hours trying to figure out how to make a lightsaber a reality. Now, apparently there are all these theories about plasma, but I dammit, I'm an English major, not a physicist! So here's my design:

You get a handle like from the movies and in it you put some nice colored lasers or something. Now when you want to turn on the lightsaber the lasers turn on and a pole with a mirror mounted on the end gets extended from the handle. This mirror and another mounted at the base reflect the light between them. I know it's not perfect, but according to my astronomy professor the two star dealio with Tatooine isn't possible, so I'm going to great lengths to make something from Star Wars a reality. Ok, so if we've engineered this correctly, the mirror and the lasers should make something resembling a lightsaber. Now the biggest challenge is getting it to kill people. I propose making the pole a) razor sharp and b) like an electric fence. So you can chop people in half a la Darth Maul (originally typed Mal... SOMEONE's been watching too much Firefly) AND kill people just by chopping at them with it. And you'd probably get that satisfying CHHHHH collision noise from the electricity. For the whooshing noises it makes when it swings we can just get whatever they put in the toy ones you buy nowadays.

Lightsabers are SO physically possible. (please don't explain to me the many flaws in this design -- I prefer to live in my own little world where I'm an expert in everything)

What do you mean this blog is outrageously self-indulgent? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? Don't make me go through a broken transporter, causing me to be split into a good half and an evil half, and then unleash my evil half on you. I AM CAPTAIN KIIIIRK.

Yep. I am a huge, huge loser.

OH HI.

Seeing as how my college is on trimesters (she says, slowly giving you all enough information to stalk her down), I am officially done for the term. I arrived home with a flourish and a bang last night, and now I have nothing to do with myself for six weeks. And I am left mostly alive following finals. Oh dear.

Before I get to the main point of the blog, there is an issue I need to address: REAL LIFE (I know right? I mean, who even HAS one!?). I don't tend to talk about this blog in REAL LIFE, not because I'm ashamed of it, but just because it doesn't really come up. This is more of a place where I get to share the stupid things I think about but never actually bring up in conversation. Despite never mentioning the blog, I take very few steps to hide it. It's not exactly linked on my Facebook, but I have checked it in front of friends before. Never has anyone ever actually spoken of this lonely little address in the corners of the internets aloud.

Until last week.

Wow. That was a little ominous. See what I did there with the separate paragraph thingie-thing-thinger (none of you have ever accused me of being eloquent)? I think it makes it a little more dramatic.

And now we've had all this build up for nothing. NOTHING, I SAY. Basically, my dear friend mentioned my blog in passing while in a large group of people, which inevitably led to a series of reactions:
a) "YOU HAVE A BLOG!?"
b) "YOU OUTED MEEEE."
c) "You guys didn't know she had a blog?"
All of which again inevitably led to one of my particularly charming friends telling everyone what my username was. And while I doubt that any of my REAL LIFE friends care about my innermost inanities (ALLITERATION I TELL YOU), here goes. IF YOU ARE HERE, HELLO. I HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON AGAIN IN THE CONFINES OF REAL LIFE.

And for those of you who do not exist within said reality parameters: HELLO AS WELL.

Seeing as it's 2:39 AM, it's officially Thanksgiving! This means several things. One is that in far too few hours, my mom will wake me up to stare at inflatable Spongebob floating around in New York. I watch it mostly for Arthur, because, let's face it, Arthur is great. Just great. I also have hopes for the likes of Clay Aiken or someone similarly amazing as a performer. Furthermore, I will bake an apple pie and attempt lattice crust for the first time (I am a pie n00b). And then I will eat lots of cheese and everything but the turkey -- being a vegetarian on Thanksgiving is a little weird.

But I guess what it really means is that I'm supposed to be thankful? And since it's the THING on the INTERNETS to make lists, and especially since I seem to love numbering and/or lettering itemized paragraphs, here is a list of things I am thankful for that will go on until I run out of ideas.

A LIST OF THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR THAT WILL GO ON UNTIL I RUN OUT OF IDEAS

1. Serious stuff: Family, friends, health, prosperity, education, running water, music, art, literature, etc. But we avoid the deep stuff here... for now (why do I insist on being ominous today?).

2. My dog. Now, this should probably not be separate from my family and friends, which are uncerimoniously lumped under "serious," but my dog is sitting next to me right now, which puts him at the forefront of my mind. My dog is the shit. He is adorable. He is cuddly. He loves me. We chill. Don't even worry about it.

3. Shakespeare. Now, I know I made a weirdly serious post about a Shakespeare sonnet a couple times ago, but really, Shakespeare means a buttload to me. I've been completely obsessed with Shakespeare since I was nine, and I've just come off of a term in which I got to take a whole class dedicated to his Bardiness, so I'm feeling a little sentimental. I give you a speech from the Tempest:
PROSPERO: Be cheerful, sir.
Our revels now are ended. These our actors
(As I foretold you) were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air,
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And like this insubstantial pageant faded
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
CLARE. *slaps self* I'm sorry. I got a little misty eyed over that one... BACK TO BUSINESS. (But really, please appreciate that speech)

4. The Oxford English Dictionary. In understand how nerdy this is. As evidenced by the last post, I am an English major, and the OED has frequently been the object of my fangirling. Anecdote detailing why the OED is awesome: The other day I read something in which someone used the sentence "he dressed succinctly." My brain said, "THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS. This is just misuse of a thesaurus, as the word succinct usually refers to conciseness of content rather than speed of action," but the OED, in its infinite wisdom, said, "NAY, Clare. You were unaware of an old and rarely used meaning of 'succinct' in which it makes it known that an object is something relating to a girdle!" Who knew!? The OED knew. And while dictionary.com has this tucked away at the end of a definition with the word "ARCHAIC" emblazoned at the top, the OED listed this definition first. And so, because of the OED, the thesaurus mistake suddenly became incredibly proper English. It seems that an extremely manly man dressed in a girdle. I take this as truth.

5. Indian Food.

6. Unicorns.

7. Mustaches.

8. Mustachioed Unicorns.

9. People Piles. Since even before I saw Where the Wild Things are I have loved sitting in piles. In the new year (no matter how far away it is at this point) I will resolve to spend more time in piles.

10. Bananagrams. It's this really fun game that's kind of like really fast, free-form Scrabble.

11. Scrabble.

12. Scrabble on Facebook. A good way to keep in touch with people without actually talking to them.

13. Scrabble on my cell phone. A good way to kick the easy level computer's ass.

14. Sci-fi. Sci-fi makes me really happy. From the William Shatner ('nuff said) I get from Star Trek's Original Series to the vertiable crowd of beautiful man-meat we get from Star Trek 2009. From my TV list for this break, which includes Heroes, Dollhouse, Battlestar Galactica, Babylon 5, and Buffy, to Ray Bradbury short stories. It's the most science I can tolerate in concentrated forms, and it's freaking awesome.

15. Tae-bo.

16. People's Sexiest Men Alive Issue... and their inclusion of my three biggest man priorities. Even though they all had really small pictures. This is a time for counting blessings, not complaining about the fact that Johnny Depp had a bigger picture than Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

17. Cellular Telephones. Which are extremely useful tools. Take it from someone who dropped their phone in a glass of root beer and had to live many weeks without one. They are super useful.

18. Buzz Lightyear. a) I'm pumped for Toy Story 3. b) Tim Allen. c) Buzz Lightyear is just the shit, okay? I have centered my life around Buzz Lightyear. d) TO INFINITY AND BEYOND.

19. My beds. When I went to college, a really huge priority for me was to make my bed a nice place to sleep. It's great, and while I'm psyched to be in my nice double bed at home cuddling with my dog, I am also thankful for my college bed. And, as a subcategory, my pillow, which makes every bed I sleep in a little more homey.

20. WIKIPEDIA. There. I said it. Making anyone into experts since whenever it was founded. Also, this song about dating Wikipedia.

21. My favorite TV shows.

And that seems like a good place to leave it, mostly because I'm falling asleep right now. Plus, 21 is a nice round number. AND YOU GUYS, I'M ALSO THANKFUL FOR YOU. LET'S HAVE A HEARTFELT MOMENT.

[Re: comments. LOUD BRASS = <3 And I need to get more of the HP soundtracks.]

k bye.

I really need to stop spitting my thoughts out at you guys while I'm supposed to be studying, don't I?

Today/night I'd like to talk about epic movies, and more specifically their soundtracks. I, friends or fiends, am a huge nerd. Give a me movie that's nerdy and has some good battle scenes and I am like putty in your hands. They can be martial arts fights, they can be space lasers shootouts, they can be ship stand-downs, or they can be your run-of-the-mill dirty broadsword-fest.

So I suppose you want examples. An obvious one would be Helm's Deep. Holy hell, what a battle. By far the best in Lord of the Rings. The epic Minas Tirith/gates of Mordor battle would have been great had it not been punctuated by infinitely less interesting scenes of Sam/Frodo angst (BUT I CAN CARRY YOUUUU). I may or may not fast forward through the hobbits when I am in a mood to watch a slaughterin'. In other works, you've got your Death Star. I literally started shaking I was so excited when I watched the final battle in the last Chronicles of Narnia movie.

And now we've reached Star Trek. Awesome black hole riddled time-traveling force-field-breaking battles that actually defy the laws of physics? AWESOME. I've been a Star Trek fan for a while (strictly the Original Series, though I plan on watching TNG in the near future), and I loved the 2009 movie.

One of the more awesome aspects of these movies is their soundtracks. What. epic. music. I have soundtracks for all the Lord of the Rings movies, Star Wars Episode IV, Jurassic Park, Harry Potter 1, both the Chronicles of Narnia, and various other epic movies throughout the years. But I've noticed that out of all of these soundtracks, there are certain tracks that make you feel the most epic. These are the ones that get you to go that much faster when you're running. The tracks that, when I listen to movie soundtracks while doing English reading, make parts of the book seem oddly heroic, even if the characters are doing nothing. They BOLDLY GO WHERE NO EPIC SONG HAS GONE BEFOOORE.

I was going to do this movie by movie, but I realized that my favorite songs always fall into certain categories (and for good reason... they are epic categories).
THE THEME:
Themes of a movie are always epic. This is probably because this is the job of the theme, but we're going to ignore logic and listen to me. John Williams writes the bitchinest themes on the face of the planet because, let's face it, he's the man. This includes, but is not limited to (aka I really need the ET soundtrack as well as Indiana Jones):
- Main Title/Rebel Blockade Runner from Star Wars IV
- Theme from Jurassic Park
- Hedwig's Theme from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Other composers:
- Star Trek from Star Trek 2009
- The Black Pearl from Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl (I don't acknowledge the later films... this soundtrack is awesome).
- OH MY GOD THE THEME FROM LORD OF THE RINGS. I can't find which track it is but you know what I'm talking about. Baaaaah buuuuuh buh buh baaaaaaaah. You know it. Basically, take everything I'm saying about epic music and then accept that Howard Shore does it better.

THE ENTERING INTO THE QUEST SONG:
- Arrival at Aslan's How from Prince Caspian. This song. is so epic.
- In Pirates there's some pretty nice stuff in Fog Bound and in the Medallion Calls. Very call-to-actioney. Chills.
- Both Journey to the Island and Welcome to Jurassic Park... WOW.
- My newest love: Enterprising Young Men from Star Trek 2009. Do it.

THE SINISTER CRAZY WHAT THE HELL THIS SHIT IS GETTING DARK SONG:
- I am failing at life on the Lord of the Rings front right now, but that really high strings one, which I could have sworn was called Argonath. It's awesome.
- the Trash Compactor from Star Wars IV
- all the stuff in the obstacle course at the end of the first Harry Potter
- Sorcery and Sudden Vengeance from Prince Caspian

THE ACTUAL BATTLE SCENE:
- The Duel, Battle at Aslan's How, and Return of the Lion from Prince Caspian. Soo epic.
- Helm's Deep and Forth Eorlingas from Lord of the Rings
- The Battle Of Yavin (Launch From The Fourth Moon/X-Wings Draw Fire/Use The Force) from Star Wars IV
- He's a Pirate from Pirates.

Anyway. That's my rant on epic movie soundtracks. I have officially alienated all of you that do not watch super nerdy movies as a hobby.

Sorry that my entires have largely been frenzied lists as of late. I have a couple ideas for pithy Stinsonesque observations of the world, but I unfortunately lack both the time and the coherency to actually spit them out. Luckily for you, my winter break is coming up and I'll have nothing to do but feed you blog post after blog post. Get excited.

a centered image! gasp!

During an incredibly delirious and strange night last week I was up very late studying for an Arabic test, and blogger decided to do this thing where it did not allow me to post an entry even when I most wanted to procrastinate. But never fear, Microsoft Word is here! So now, a weekend and a couple more sleepless nights later (my sleep schedule has officially gone to shit, in case you're wondering), I give you Clare's incoherent middle-of-the-night lists-about-music:

Top Five Favorite Disney Songs

5) JUST AROUND THE RIVERBEND - Pocahontas

I totally bought into the alternative age where liking things that other people don't appreciate enough is in. vogue. Therefore, I am an indie pop snob and I don't like the title song from Disney movies. I like the COOL, ALTERNATIVE one.

4) A GIRL WORTH FIGHTING FOR - Mulan

Please see above. I also like that this song never really ends. It's so abstract. *SNOBALLOVERYOU*

3) OUT THERE- The Hunchback of Notre Dame

I also have to like all the Disney movies that my friends hate. Who DOESN'T get a kick out of genocide and psychotic religious leaders? But really? Phoebus is just so hot right now.

2) I WON'T SAY I'M IN LOVE - Hercules

Theme song to so many of my high school crushes. So lame? Or so RAVEN?

1) I'LL MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOU - Mulan

Because Mulan is the shit. She is a badass girl who can still fight even when she puts on a dress. Also this song is epic -- you should see my car dance that goes along with it. My best friend and I BREAK IT DOWN.

Top Five Favorite Songs Right Now
(order is for n00bs)


YOUR PROTECTOR - Fleet Foxes

Everyone gives mad propz to White Winter Hymnal but this has a really good, wide melody.

DYING IS FINE - Ra Ra Riot

They are tight live. I am trying to sound cool by saying that.

THIS CHARMING MAN - the Smiths

I would go out tonight but I haven't got a stitch to wear.

BASIC SPACE - The xx

I rip off the music taste of one of the music directors at my school's radio station. But this is a really good song...

LOVE WILL TEAR US APART - Joy Division

I just saw the movie about Ian Curtis. He was not a happy guy. But the movie about him was pretty good. And Joy Division is the shit.

(Addendum: I have since become wildly obsessed with the Wombats, so their song Let's Dance to Joy Division gets a huge honorable mention, mostly because I couldn't figure out which original member of the list to kick out)

Top Five Favorite Songs Ever


PINK FLOYD - Wish You Were Here


(hang in there for this video -- such a good episode) [real video]
TELL HER THIS - Del Amitri


I WILL FOLLOW YOU INTO THE DARK - Death Cab for Cutie


DON'T STOP ME - Queen
The description on this video says that this song was apparently voted the best driving song ever? AND I WOULD JUST LIKE TO VOICE MY WHOLEHEARTED SUPPORT OF THIS DECISION.


CHRISTMAS SONG - Dave Matthews Band

I know, Dave Matthews? But no joke, this is the best sleeping song ever written.

As a taste of how out of it I actually was when I wrote these lists:
"Leave it to BEAVER why don't we!? It's the day before (or day of, now... IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN DUN NUH NUH NUH NUUUUH) the apocalypse aka the day I have a huge Arabic test as well as a test in Astronomy that I have done approximately none of the reading for. And LEAVE it to BEAVER! Blogspot is giving me sass! So I am typing this into Microsoft Word, and based on its level of coherency so far I will regret posting it at a later date."

BLOGALICIOUS (WUT), WE ARE NOT PROMISCUOUS.

Now I know I blogged very recently, but I now I'm on a ROLL. I AM A VERITABLE BOWL BRIMMING WITH BEAUTIFUL BLOGGING... NUGGETS. I'm sorry. I just couldn't keep that alliteration going. And this doesn't even work as well as the "Aly & AJ Anomaly" because saying "ALLITERATIVE" even EXPANDED that unit of prosody. Balls. As the Vagabond so astutely pointed out in her comment on my last post, alliteration is something you can fall back on.

Sometimes, blog-type pals, not so happy things happen to you. For example, sometimes you just can't accomplish the alliteration. Sometimes, you are a clementine. Sometimes, your clementine-ey lover cheats on you with a banana. Sometimes you get bits of bamboo shoved under your fingernails like in season 1 of Lost.* Sometimes you just have a no good very rotten bad day.

This past weekend, I got sick. I don't have H1N1 (or, as my friends and I like to refer to it, the "HEENEE." ...get it? lolz?), but I was not feeling too hot. I was especially upset because I had to miss the ultimate frisbee tournament that my team was going to. I was too nauseous to hold my body in an upright position. You know, the usual. Let it suffice to say that I was less than a happy camper.

Instead of complaining, crying, beweeping my outcast state, troubling deaf heaven with my bootless cries -- the usual -- I decided to DODGE TAKE LIFE BY THE HORNS and make something good out of the whole thing. AND SO, I give you Clare's Patented and Guaranteed Awesome Get Well Soon Mood Boosting First Aid Kit of Awesome.

Step 1: While I am under no circumstances in a position to give anyone medical advice, I can say this -- do not shy away from medication. Ibuprofen and Tums are gifts from the heavens above and when used wisely and well, they are your friends forever.

Step 2: Listen to Pink Floyd's album 'Wish You Were Here.' Feel free to substitute said album with Whatever Music You Are Personally Attached To, but listening to Shine On You Crazy Diamond always works for me.

Step 3: Force one of your friends to do something nice for you. Sometimes, people who should constantly dote upon you need to be reminded of this, and letting them know that you are too dizzy to walk to the dining hall could you please get me some toast and coke is the perfect way to accomplish this.

Step 4: Enjoy Toast and Coke.

Step 5: Remember the highest and utmost principle of life as we know it: Star Trek really does make everything better.

Step 6: If all else fails, watch THIS VIDEO or THIS VIDEO or THIS VIDEO. They are cheerful making. David After Dentist is also solid.

Step 7: Lather, rinse, repeat. Under any and all circumstances, avoid sushi and alcohol. You should now feel better. Even if you're not quite like a spritely youth, you should at least be in moderate spirits. Foolproof.

Annnnd now I have nothing interesting left to say. I will now attempt to force my sleep schedule back to normal. Tootle-oo and pip pip!

* I was a pretty big Lost fan back in the day. But I tell you, if you're still watching GIVE IT UP NOW. THEY'RE BRAINWASHING YOU INTO THINKING THAT ALL THOSE RANDOM THINGS MEAN SOMETHING BUT THEY NEVER WILL! They never will...

Bloglings! In a bout of inexplicable insomnia, I come to you with outstretched hands and white flags flying.

See? It's 4:20 AM (let's break out the ganja!) and I barely even know what I'm saying anymore. I just picked the picture that's going with this entry and it's going to be a grapefruit. Why is it going to be a grapefruit? For the hell of it! That's why! Three cheers for the hell of it!

Vashta nerada (please see earlier blog entries/my wikipedia powers if you are currently unaware as to why you are apparently comparable to tiny flesh-eating shadows... except for now you actually exist, apparently. Unless I made you up inside my head? A VILLANELLE, A VILLANELLE)*, I feel I owe you all an explanation. There's this thing I do from September to June -- albeit with small breaks in December and March -- that takes up a lot of my time. School, my friends, is a jealous mistress, and she doesn't like to share me with you. So unfortunately, as I run around obsessing over things like ears in Hamlet and how the hell I'm going to memorize all the vocab for my next Arabic test, I've let this blog fall by the wayside.

Luckily for you, though, I am mildly delirious, and I can't fall asleep! HA HA, psycho blogging time!

Today's entry is brought to you by the letter Karl Rove! And by Karl Rove I refer more specifically to his speech at the other small liberal arts college in the town where I go to school. This school is the single most Scandiavian place outside of Leif-a-go-go land, and Karl had just gotten back from being inducted into the Scandinavian-American Hall of Fame. The speech started off well, with the Rove (or, as the guys sitting behind me referred to him, MC Rove) declaring that he needed to "turn of my incredibly nice, fancy iPhone," and continued with an anecdote about the Norwegian farmer who loved his wife so much, he almost told her. The movie 40 Year Old Virgin also apparently reminds Karl Rove of himself. TMI, dude. TMI.

Karl Rove totally knows what TMI means, because he told a story about some J-PEGS that he keeps in his briefcase. Karl Rove is hip. But I digress! Let us run away from this Sesame Street inspired tangent and get to the point of this blog post!

Towards the end of the summer, I became an extremely enthusiastic How I Met Your Mother viewer, and so for many weeks following my marathon I saw little rules and phenomena in life, and I often felt the need to name these things things like "the Lemon Law" or "the Slutty Pumpkin." And so, from my Barney Stinson soaked brain, I bring you THE ALY & AJ ANOMALY (alliterative!).

Now, I know several of you are shaking your heads and saying, "First the Jonas Brothers, and now this!? What is it with this girl and her obsession with Disney bands comprised only of siblings?" But bear with me for a second.

It is widely known that men and women almost never understand each other, and this is never under a magnifying glass more than a) when you are watching an episode of Ouran High School Host Club (though, to be fair, I am female and that show still kind of scares the shit out of me while simultaneously instilling in me the strange desire to write slash fanfiction) or, more commonly b) when commenting on the attractiveness of women.

Some principles of this difference of opinion are widely known and understandable -- for example, most of the men I know are just pretty psyched when a woman wears something tight, while my friends who are girls tend to be a bit more picky fashion-wise. At the same time, though, some principles are more deeply buried. And this is where Aly & AJ come in.

If you are presently unaware as to who Aly & AJ are, I suggest you catch up on your Phil of the Future! What quality programming! Basically, they are sisters that achieved small-scale Disney Channel fame by being in a couple shows and an original movie. And, as every Disney Channel star must, they have now developed a music career. Last I heard, they changed their name to 78violet? But I miss the point.

During a conversation with several friends, it was revealed that while my sister and I always wondered what it was like for Aly to be the uglier sister, all my guys friends felt bad for AJ because she was weird looking. In other words, pretty much all of my guy friends think that Aly is hotter than AJ, and the opposite is true for the large majority of my girl friends.

And so, friends, it seems that the future of the human race is slowly dwindling. It's not because of nuclear war. It's not because of Karl Rove. It's not because of the Irish Potato Famine. And it's definitely not because of Night Zombies!! or Neighbors!! that have Come Back From the Dead!! Aaaah!! It's because of Aly & AJ, for their influence is what causes a constant rift between men and women. We can only cross our fingers and hope for the best.

And if all else fails, we always have the Bonus Jonas.

* If that wasn't the most rambly paranthetical thing, I don't know what is. I'm also not sure what a parenthetical thing is, but that's besides the point.




POSTSCRIPT: I'd just quickly like to stop trying to be witty and say hi to some people -- Anda, thanks for commenting and kicking my butt into posting again! vietprince123, we can never have enough Albusbrain around here, especially if it reassures me that I'm not completely insane... yet. Samantha, it's AWESOME that you're from the North Shore. I'm from the western suburbs, so you're even closer to Beverly than me normally, and since I don't live in Massachusetts when I'm at school, you win by a lot right now. Also, hi to Marmoset Lad! You have commented on everything I've posted since people actually started reading this, and I cannot even tell you how much that boosts my little overinflated blogging ego. You guys rock! See your mustachey present as a thanks for being such awesome blog readers!