April 10, 2010

red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach

I have an epic tale for you, Vashta Nerada.* Don't I always have an epic tale for you? If any of you are still reading this, then I assume you continue to enjoy yourselves through my epic tales.

I am enthusiastic about a lot of things. You've seen it here -- mustaches, Shakespeare, being overly competitive while playing word games -- and you've no doubt heard of it otherwise, seeing as I am incredibly famous. But really. My theme song is called "Alive, Awake, Alert, Enthusiastic" and it involves lots of really intense hand/arm/body motion. It is a great song.

One of the things I am enthusiastic about is nature. Nature is something white people like. White people like going outside and then judging others for not going outside more. White people like camping and leaving no trace. White people like zip-off cargo pants of many colors.**

But what white people at small liberal arts colleges who like nature like even more than any of these things is watching television programs where they get to learn Cool Things About Nature narrated by David Attenborough. I am talking, of course, about Planet Earth.

If you are not familiar with Planet Earth, we can't be friends...

Not really, but I expect you to intimately familiarize yourself with this phenomenal display post haste.

One of the interest houses at my school showed Planet Earth every night this week, and though I was not able to provide sufficient excuses to get out of work on Tuesday night, I managed to skip out on literally all of my other conflicting obligations to watch what turned out to be five episodes (not counting the fact that I watched Jungles twice) in the space of four days. It. was. awesome.

My enthusiasm for Planet Earth is best summed up by a rule included in a Planet Earth Drinking Game dreamed up by a friend of mine -- every time more than three people in the group say "WOAH" or otherwise express astonishment, wonder, or awe everyone has to drink. Think about it. Really think. How many other drinking games for tv shows take pure unadulterated awesome into account?

Coincidentally, I like the Planet Earth drinking game more than any drinking game I have ever played, including the Star Trek one. And if you know me, you know how much I like Star Trek.

This has become less of an epic tale and more of a discussion of why Planet Earth is the shit, but I am okay with this development, and I'll tell you why.

Planet Earth has lots of shots of things being eaten. Imagine this -- infrared footage of an entire pride of lions attacking an elephant at night. It may sound standard, but let me tell you it is TERRIFYING. Furthermore, there are sharks.

The shark part is literally the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Great white sharks patrol this one strip of water off the coast of South Africa, and every day seals have to swim across it to get from their breeding grounds to food in the open ocean and back, and it makes for some sweet shark attack footage. At first I felt bad for the seals. AND THEN I SAW A SHARK COMPLETELY OWN THIS MOTHER. Did you see how high out of the water it jumped? WOAH.

I've seen Jungles, Caves, Shallow Seas, Great Plains, and Ice Worlds -- Shallow Seas is probably the best one, based on what I've heard about episodes I didn't get to see. But seriously? Watch them. If you watch them for nothing else, watch them for the bird of paradise pictured at the beginning of this entry. All I'm saying is that if that bird were trying to mate with me I'd be pretty okay with that.

Other things that have been going on in my life that you may find interesting:

1. I signed up for the William Shatner official fan club. Whoops?
2. I tweeted for the first time the other day and have since abused it by having a Justin Bieber tweeting war with my two friends on our joint account.
3. Jesus is just alright with me.

* Two notes: 1) has anyone seen the new Doctor Who? I MEAN IT IS PRETTY GREAT ARE WE IN AGREEMENT? 2) I think it's pretty great that there are evil tiny carnivorous shadows in Doctor Who and a really big fucking Romulan mining ship in Star Trek XI with similar names.

1 comment:

  1. It's been too long since I've read your blog! I just caught myself up and you're wonderfully hilarious :D

    I loved the title of this blog. I spent a good few weeks as a wee marmosetlad singing it on a dusty stage dressed in a woefully pathetic monkey costume.

    And that shark!?!? INSANE!