August 29, 2009

Oh my stars! There were three comments that existed in real life on my last blog post! What romp!

Seriously, though, if Hayley, the Vagabond, or MarmosetLad are reading this, thank you very much. It's interesting to have people responding to my wacky words rather than just imagining a cloud of readers that may or may not devour human flesh.

I would like to explain myself, though, to any human life that is participating in the cognitive process of understanding this written linguistic message. I've been meaning to write a blog post for several days so that I could properly respond to your existence, but this blog is still in its birth. So right now, I'm deciding what this blog must be. Like the mustaches so correctly state: a little hair says a lot about a man, and one entry says a lot about a blog.

In a previous post, I discussed what I want my readers to be, whether you're sarcastic Lord of the Rings fans or flesh-eating shadows. To be honest, if you read my stupid ranting I'll love you no matter who you are. I think this whole experience might be more entertaining for you if you understand my random Scrubs references, but it is a free country (unless it's not where you are, in which case, this is a bit awkward). But now, in this post, I'm deciding what I want this blog to be.

I don't seem to want to have a schtick. I've just seen Julie & Julia and I read various schticky blogs like Awkward Family Photos and Cake Wrecks. But I am very conceited and self righteous about this blog, so I don't WANT a schtick. I also, however, don't want this to be a "Today, while I was at the grocery store..." or "One time, at band camp..." blog. I want there to be mildly coherent entries. At least slightly logical (and never highly illogical -- I feel that my loyalty to Leonard Nimoy would be violated if I wrote such an entry).

I think, really, that I want my blogs to be little stories. Or at least what I consider to be amusing anecdotes. With my sense of humor, you can never tell if anyone else will find them amusing. I guess, in the end, whether you're a doctor or a garbageman, I vow never to tell you about my boring day. I solemnly swear never to write you lists of what I bought shopping, and I will to do my best (to serve God and my country... whoops! My brother is a boy scout) to do as few surveys as possible. Unless I steal them from Hayley. This is not my LiveJournal. This is a blog where I take pride in what I put up. I will try to entertain, and I will try to maintain sanity. Maybe sanity isn't the best word in this situation, though.

Oh, sorry sir. Sometimes I like to just sum things up.

I will now attempt to make this blog entertaining: As of late, my co-workers have been thinking up questions that we all have to answer. Some of them I can't participate in (Think-of-a-movie-title-that-describes-your-marriage day was not too exciting for me), but today we did one that I put a LOT of gusto into. Behold: If you could invite any famous person to dinner, who would you pick?

In the end, I had to depart from what ended up being a list of men that I find attractive and choose someone with whom I really had something to talk about. Someone who has the power to produce something that would change the nature of the world forever.

I decided to invite William Shatner.

I don't know if you're familiar with his music career, but it is nothing short of prolific. A while back, I decided to send the following email to the address for fan letters on his website:

Dearest Bill,

Or is that too casual? Should I call you William, or possibly Mr. Shatner? Or would "The Shat" suffice?

Despite the fact that I am 19 years old, I am a huge fan of your work. A friend and I spent our childhood watching through Star Trek: TOS many times, and I have long admired your nice yellow shirt, your way with Yeoman Janice Rand (that chick with the woven hair), and your patented dropkick. Also, kudos on defeating the Gorn. That trick with the gunpowder was impressive, indeed.

In addition to your career as Captain James Tiberius Kirk, I am also quite a fan of your musical endeavors. I especially enjoy "Common People, " "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds," and "Rocket Man." Which brings me to the point of this email:

I think that it would be truly fabulous if you covered Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up." Your particular brand of spoken word would lend much nuance to the meaning of the song. I, with many Shatheads (as we like to call ourselves) behind me, would be overjoyed by the release of such a song. Or even a rendition on your YouTube channel would be more than enough. I can guarantee that you'd get featured with a hit like that.

So, Bill, please consider my request. Also, do say hello to Leonard for me the next time you speak with him.

Always a huge fan,

In short, if William Shatner came to my house for dinner, I would make him say famous lines from movies in his patented Shatnerian style ("But my... LIPS. They... hurtrealbad. I AM CAPTAIN KIIIIIRK") and then try to convince him to cover Never Gonna Give You Up. These are noble goals, I'm sure you agree.

So maybe I have readers now? Tonight I'm going to a Caspian show in Cambridge, so that's exciting. And now I will leave you with the most important thing you must know about this blog. This blog... is not the hammer.

The hammer is my penis.


  1. Mmmmm, Zachary Quinto, yes please. Hahaha. You have a very entertaining writing style so I am sure that simply writing about your day would be a perfectly suitable subject. Seriously, I feel like I'm reading a book by some really witty essayist when I read your blog. Don't hesitate to write whatever you feel like. I have two followers on my blog and often I think about writing about something and then say to myself, "no, they wouldn't care to read about that". Don't do this. I almost think it's easier when you don't have followers because you just write whatever you're feeling with no fear of being judged. No judgement here. Promise! Write for yourself. That's what's important.

    Always a pleasure reading!


  2. The amusement this post brought me just brightened my day, definitely keep writing whatever it is you feel like writing!

  3. I completely agree with The Vagabond/Lauren. Write whatever you please and I'll be pleased to read it! :] Your letter was hilarious and I'll be shocked if his cover isn't out within a month!